Friday, October 2, 2009

bad bad test day

I don’t like to visit cyber cafes even if someone put gun on my forehead or offer me a check of million dollars; yeah I know last part was too imaginary. But I really don’t like to visit these cafes…
Today I had a test ( aimcat 1008, yes I am writing CAT this year), and thanks to power department of Uttar Pradesh , I wasn’t able to take it from home. So I decided to write it from nearby cyber cafĂ©.
After a wait of 20 minutes I finally got PC… but hell server problem occurred and I had to restart it. I logged in and opened a homepage of my coaching institute and entered my login info… yuppie finally I am taking a test. I read question 1 and marked its answer. It was easier test as compared to previous ones. I read 2nd question, and suddenly I heard “love me love me” song. Gosh !!! guy sitting next to me just played it.
Whatever I dint have much option so I keep on taking that test. Suddenly from nowhere a kid came to me and asked how much time would I take or when would I vacant this pc. Gosh, I neglected him and kept on taking test.
Suddenly from somewhere I heard a voice of guy who was teaching another guy about “how to ask for a date with girl whom you just met on orkut”. It was the funny discussion as the teaching guy was giving a lots of tips about asking such things. Best one “ abbey uske bol ki tu ek computer engineer hai aur har tarah k computers thik karna janta hai, use kabhi bhi koi problem ho to tujhe bula le, isi bahane to us se mil lio”. Now why I rated it best one? Because I have a degree of computer engineering ( ok I studied too at college) but my teachers never taught us that our profession could actually lead us to a date.
I was just pissed off but because taking test was important so I kept on writing. Suddenly I heard some voices from another pc where some 10th grade kids were sitting. I could not describe those voices because those kids were actually playing porn on their PC. Holy crap man , this coming generation is surely awesome. I mean they do whatever they like to do and flaunt it too. I mean what was the need to play such a holy thing that too with volume.
I was really pissed by this incident so I finally left the place and left the test in between. This is how I screwed up one more test.

M.A.D.
Mr. Ashish Dixit
Meri Alag Dunia

Friday, June 19, 2009

Office Office

Those were the golden days and I used to seriously follow this TV soap called OFFICE OFFICE. It was about a government office, its employees and a person named Musaddilal. I used to feel pity for him because he always came out to be victim of a system. He used to pay bribes, chop vegetables, and wash cloths to get his work done by these government employees. I seriously used to enjoy it to the core. Stories of this show used to be around Musaddilal, shukla, pandey ji, etc

So why am I remembering these old days hero and this show?
Because I, myself was victim this time with government employees having name similar to the character of this show.
Internet and Telephone connection was not working properly at my home so I complained it to local office but no one took any action. I was really frustrated with such services so I emailed it to delhi head office and wrote down about behavior of local office staff. They didn’t reply me but called SDO of local office.

The outcome of this call was seriously favoring me and SDO took action and came to my home with some of his staff member and did everything to repair phone connection at my home.
I was seriously surprised to see BSNL guys working and that’s too within 5 hours of that email. Well like an ideal and good guy I wrote email to thank delhi office guy for helping me.

Finally internet and landline connection was working fine. Woppieeeeeeeeeeeeee I did it. Finally I did something really good.
And it was the last smile on my face because from next day onward internet connection started behaving strange once again. I called SDO uncle to help me , he once again send one guy to repair connection and he further cut down 2-3 meters of cable wire. Internet started working fine now.

I once again in evening tried to connect it , but alas BSNL showed its true color for one more time and I started cursing myself to opt for BSNL connection. Again in morning I called SDO and same cycle repeated, guy came and chopped few more meters of wires.
This cycle keep on repeating for next 3 days and the outcome was really disheartening as internet is still not working properly and meanwhile that guy chopped down 10-12 meters of wire.
Today I went to local office to complain about that guy and internet of course.
SDO once again helped me and issued 30 meters of wires.
So why did I compare myself with OFFICE OFFICE?
Ans: Name of SDO is Shukla Ji and the name of that guy is Pandey ji. :D and of course after visiting government office for 4-5 times, I am feeling like Musadilal ( cheated as usual).

In between I tried to play Brahmin card ( both shukla and pandey is Brahmin as well I am also a brahmin). I told to Shukla ji that I am also taking JTO ( BSNL exam for engineers) this Sunday and also I told him that my family belongs to Meerut ( he also belongs to Meerut). Though he helped me and his intention is good but it has no effect on condition of my internet connection. :P



M.A.D.
Mr. Ashish Dixit
Meri Alag Dunia

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Typical conversation between lovers

The Conversation in the brackets {}contain the words which the guy is speaking to himself!!!
She gives a missed call to him… and He calls her back…


She: Hello!

He: {are yaar...Raat ke 10 bajte nahin ki iski 2-2 second waali missed calls shuru…pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi}
Hi ...kya baat hai..?

She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...

He: {Aise hee ??? Yeh kya Radio Station hai ki aise hee ...!! Aur Call kahan kiya ?... khali missed call to diya hai, roz ki tarah...}
oh...ok ..kya kar rahi thi ??

She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?

He: {mai to lunch karke utha hoon na}
Mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon" sun raha hu FM par....
She: nice song… (And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")

He: {Yaaaaaaaaarrrrr …kyun bola gaane ka naam .. Ab ye Madonna saare raag gaa degi yaheen}
Hey!!!! Tum itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha ..

She: *giggles*

He: {Ohhhho kya hansti hai ... aisa lag raha hai koi gaadi start kar raha hai}
Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!

She: Yehan sab so rahe hai... Agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge…

He: {Ekdum Correct...woh yehi samjhenge ki koi paagal, kisi baat par naraaz ho gayi hai ...}
Come on! Please!

She: Hattt ...I don't sing that well

He: {Yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... paka kyun rahi hai}
It was really sweet. Please gaao na dear …

She: Mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan …

He: {mujhe tujhse jyada ajeeb lagta hai, dekh phir bhi shaheed hone ko tayaar baitha hoon}
Aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na

He: {mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola}
Abhi tum gaaogi ya nahi ?

She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?

He: Acchha ! Ok Nahi karta

She: I don't have that great a voice ... ye to aise hee gaa diya tha ... warna mai nahin gaati

He: {Fir aise hee ??? bada ehsaan karti agar nahin gaati … kaan mai se khoon nikalne waala hai... saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye
teri awaaz sunke…}
hmmmm

She: Theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek hai??

He: {Abbe teri !!! fas gayaaaaa ... shittttt … aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi…}
Great!!!!

She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?

He: {Tum kuch bhi gaao... meri to aaj by default neend haraam hai…}
Hmmmm… 'Mahiya' from Awarapan?

She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai

He: {Thank God ... Text book chhodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol ...}
Dhoom Machale?

She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: {Aye tere nakhre ... mai to jaise mara jaa raha hoon teri awaaz sun ne ke liye Shakira … koi bhi gaana gaa....mere kaan to pakne waale hai}
Cool

(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)

She: Nahi jaan… I am feeling very shy!

He: {Tu shuru kyun hoti hai … ek bar shuru hokar khatam kyun nahin karti jaldi jaldi... ab kya Eden Gardens book karun, tab gayegi}
Gaao na....pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaanachahta hoon

She: dekho....ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho …

He: {Achchha ab tujhe manaane mai poore sheher ko phool leke bhejun kya}
No no... Tum shy feel kar rahi ho na.... is liye... Trying to make u comfortable …

She: Hmmm…

He: {Ye makkhi ki tarah kya shuru ho gayi}
Please gaao na darling...

She: Main kal gaaun?

He: {Haaaaaannnn. ..jaaan bachi.... nikal leta hoon...abhi mauka hai}
Theek hai jaisi tumhaari merzi

She: Hmmm

He: Good night

She: Good night

She: Sweet Dreams… Take care...

He: Sweets dreams to u too...{kaahe ke sweet dreams .. sone degi tab na ayenge dreams …abhi 2 minute mein fir call karegi}

After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a missed call)
She: Hey… so gaye the kya?

He: {Nahiii...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha...}
Nahi jaan

She: kya kar rahe ho?

He: {Raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai...}
Match dekh raha tha
She: Theek hai tum match dekho

He: {phone rakhegi to dekhunga na... ya tu running commentary sunayegi}
Hey it's ok... purana match hai

She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?

(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)

He: {Bad eh? Crazy girl... this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing}
Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi.....
So, me waiting…{ maine to socha tha ki aaj bach gaya ... dhatttt tereki L}

She sings 1 stanza from the song

'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'

He: Wow. Too good!

She: jhoot.....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai

He: {Saamne aa jaa, fir bataata hoon... pagal kar diya... chalo shukr hai self realization hai ... J}
Nahi darling you really sing well

She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho

He: {Very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya.....kyun bhagwaan kyun !! mere saath ye julm kyun}
Cheee! Cheee! teri voice agar itni buri hoti to main kya ab tak na sun raha hota

She: Hmmmm...theek hai.. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao…

He: {Achcha mil gayi permission ... waise tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kahan aayegiab ...}
Good night!

She: Take care

He: You too

She: Hey....

He: {Arrre yaar.. aaj ye nahi chhodegi}kya hai sweety?

She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: {Tu apni voice record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar !! dimaag ka dahi kar rakha hai .. lassi banaake peeja mere dimaag ki}
sachchi... Of course.

She: sirf jhoot

He: {Iski toh... !! jab pata hai to mujhse kya singing sensation ka award legi !! phata dhol…}
Not at all. You sing very well…

She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!

M.A.D.
Mr. Ashish Dixit
Meri Alag Dunia

Thursday, May 7, 2009

1st vote of my life

I was waiting for this day since I got my voter id card but never got chance. Moment was completely mine, I went to the booth show my card , got voting ink on my finger and pressed the button. Whew finally I did it .
India is a developing country where government matters a lot, better people may give better governance. We are also affected by terrorism, every day one reads about terrorists attack or naxal attacks. People came out on street to protest against terror after Mumbai attack. So many people said so many things but what happened , on the voting day only 43 % people courage to cast their vote. Delhi also joined the league with only 50% turnaround. I don’t know what is in the mind of people but I am sure people are really irresponsible mostly in metro.
Metro people should seriously take lessons from villagers specially those villages which are directly or indirectly infected by naxal effects or any other such things. There was dispute between trinmool and communists’ people in West Bengal but people came and cast their vote. They showed that they still have hope; they still believe in democracy, they still believe in constitution of india.
On the other hand , specially with Mumbai and delhi people, they took leave from their respective office on Friday and enjoyed 4 days holiday ( Thursday, Friday, sat and sun) . whew. Our respected elite class!!! Seriously people in india bark a lot from AC room on ther computer on orkut communities but very few come out to take action.
Don’t know when people will understand power of their own vote. It is really sad to see regional parties are getting edge because of low voting %ages and ofcourse it is as dangerous as kissing cobra snake on its hood. We have seen governments of H D gowda and Indra gujral, the worst possible governments of india.
Its really time to come out of our comfort zone before someone throws out of our own home.
These 2 lines are best to describe this whole blog.
Ho gayi hai peer parvat se pigal ni chahiye
Is himalay se koi ganga nikal ni chahiya



M.A.D.
Mr. Ashish Dixit
Meri Alag Dunia

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Delhi 6 urghhhh KALA BANDER or Sonam kapoor ( blushesssss)

Hum sabhi mai kahi na kahi kala bander chupa hua hai.

It reminds me of MONKEY MAN incident happened in delhi few years back, when every one in the city was crying about it , though each and everyone had different opinion about its look and all.
So here is the story of DELHI-6, a most waited movie for me . its all about kala bander a balck monkey man who is ruining everything in the city.
What you read that it is a story of DELHI-6 area as well of love story of Sonam Kapoor and Abhishesk Bachchan.

Hmm you are right as well confused because there are slight traces of it in the movie. The %age of traces could be better compared with my %age in graduation. I mean negligible is the perfect word to describe it.

4 reasons to watch it.

1) sonam kapoor … muuuah , I just love this girl. And only reason which forced me to stick in front of computer screen for 2.18 hours ( piracy jindabad).
2) Delhi : whatever it be , but it shows life of delhi specially the heart of delhi. Ummm I have just planned to click this place as much possible after this movie.
3) Acting : some people gave power packed performance , specially to mention Sonam Kapoor ( muuuuuuuuaaaaaaaah once again), Waheeda Rehman, Thulla of police ok I forgot his name , Rishi Kapoor. That’s it… bas yehi list khatam ho jati hai .
4) Hmmmm no more reason yaar. That’s it.

10 reasons not to watch it

1) did Abby baby take classes of NEW YORK accent from Lalu Yadav, because it was as fake as Osama Bin Laden in saint dress. I mean its not so cool man to pronounce shit everytime you open your mouth.
2) You show me sense of placing songs in movie and I will show you a buffalo which solves CAT paper with 100%ile marks and also gives GD and PI tips. I mean there was no sense , specially I was just thudding my head when I saw stupid placement of REHNA TU song, which is one of my favorites now a days.
3) Hindu Muslim Riots: is it right to show hindu muslim riot and to show Babri masjid type of situation in the movie. I mean there were too many ways to stretch up the size of movie by so many ways but why this…
4) Who let the monkey out : Ladies and gentlemen.. ladieeeeeeeessssss gentleeemen…. Lagta hai sab so gaye… ok to cut the crap our dearest bad dream black monkey man is back in this movie… even director didn’t kill the suspense. I wanted to know more about this kala bander who once stole one of my favorites jeans from my terrace. ( arrghhh every one in my society blamed kala bander for this :P )
5) Story : you found one and I will definitely clear you the story of BOOM movie ( I watched BOOM movie after having couple of disprene tablets) or of any other movie. Though director tried his level best to make some khichidi related to delhi culture but he was also confused as parantha wali gali guys are ( yaar paranthas of parantha wali gali look more like kachodi then paratha).
6) Enoughhhhhhhhhhhhh… no more negative talks about a movie which have my sweetie sonam kapoor in it. Muuuuuuuuaaaaaaah once again


M.A.D.
Mr. Ashish Dixit
Meri Alag Dunia

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Don’t try this at home/car

No, I am not trying to create some kind of panic moments here but you will soon realize truth about this title.
Scene 1 :
I was listening “Rehna tu” song of Delhi6 on my mp3 player and suddenly started humming it.
I was literally giving facial expressions on it. This song initiated good mood and I start moving my body. To make condition hell next song in playlist was “Golmal Return” and I was literally in dance mode. (cant change myself, mai aisa hi hu :P ).
Suddenly I realized few eyes were just gazing me. And I just realized that one should need to control all of his moods specially when he is in car and that’s too when he is waiting for green signal at red light.
By the way I got appreciation too, few girls clapped after my madness. I don’t know whether to take it in positive way or in negative way.
Lesson 1: control your emotion , or let it vent out :P who knows any bolly director will pick you for his/her new film just because of this madness. ( though it is not a lesson at all)
Scene 2:
Mom entered in room after a discussion from her lok sabha ( i gave this name to local meeting sessions of aunties, where they discuss about whereabouts of other people and to make fun of ‘em)
Mom: kya hoga tere bacho ka?
I was shocked :O :O
Me: mere bache, abhi to maine ladki bhi pasand nahi ki. Kher bacho ka topic kaha se aa gaya.
Mom: dekh tu to ghar per khali pada rehta hai, itni mehangai badh gayi hai. Tere bacho k time per to pakke se dudh 100rs liter ho jayega.
Me: koi nee mai apne bacho ko paida hote hi bewda bana dunga. Dudh ka kharcha hi khatam.
And the next voice was THUDDDD
Actually I just realized mom hits too hard. Aaauch…
Lesson 2: never try to be smart in front of your mom at least . And don’t even think to tell her that you know something related to liquors.

M.A.D.
Mr. Ashish Dixit
Meri Alag Dunia

Friday, February 6, 2009

met by chance

Me: oye is this neha?

She: yes, but who are you?

Actually, I called her from my new number.

Me: doesn’t matter , so where are you exactly.

She: ( was surprised actually) first tell me who are you?

I just realized that I am no more using ICICI’s post-paid connection and I will have to visit mobile shop to recharge this number again. So I directly came to the point.

Me: oye its me Ashish, calling you from my new number.

She: Idiot @#$%@$%, @#$%!@$%, @RF$%C$%

Me: ok control your emotions and confirm me that are you right now fortis hospital?

She: yes, and how do you know.Using spies?

Me: Idiot I saw you there.

She: don’t tell me , you must be trying to pull my leg or are playing some prank.

Me: hadh hai koi to trust kar liya karo. Abbey tu jeans aur green jacket mai hai na.

She: ( was surprised ) yes.

Me: ok stay there , I am coming there.

She: are you really coming?

Me: yup

Moreover, this is how I met one of my old school friend. School friend.. Wait I was not her friend in school. Even I do not remember we had even chat in our school life. She left that school in eighth standard. Finally, after 11 years I saw her once again. :P

Since last year I know her because of orkut . Though we exchanged our numbers as well talked on phone so many times but never got a chance to meet actually. In fact, we tried to meet so many times but luck didn’t permit.

Life is like this only.

PS : Never try shortcuts when you need nature break, today because of some internal pressure I wanted to be home asap and applied my great brain to search a new way out. Everything was going perfect until trucks came into picture. Then suddenly I was in middle of some 12-15 trucks. To make condition really hell one truck got punctured.

Just to save 5 minutes I actually wasted 1 hour and got scratch on my car.

LESSON 1 : NEVER EVER USE YOUR BRAIN IF YOU NEED NATURE BREAK.

M.A.D.
Mr. Ashish Dixit
Meri Alag Dunia